Let me see if I can sort my thoughts. It’s a bit more difficult right now because my child is crying in her room, and I’m trying to see if she can begin to coax herself to sleep.
Whew, it worked. Only took 5 minutes.
Again, let me sort my thoughts. There has been a lot running through my head. I’m going to list them number style, like we used to back in grade school.
1. THE SLEEP ISSUE. let me begin with this very important statement: I LOVE MY CHILD. Seriously. I tear up when I tell her about how much I love her and how I wish for things for her. Her smile lights up my heart. It’s so hard to begrudge anyone who is that cute. That being said… she is one high-maintenance baby. Remember the Target episode? She has to be cuddled, rocked, swaddled, shushed and held most moments of every day. Often I am chained to the house. I can’t work out, eat, shower, etc, most days without some very serious tears. It also doesn’t help that I am constantly being told by my (well-intentioned) grandmother that she is the “most demanding child she has ever seen.” Combine this with the fact that I get up typically 2-3 times a night. This mama is TIRED. On top of all this, I get on facebook and I see all this stuff about how my friends’ babies are so easy and doing everything well and hitting all their milestones, etc.
I started researching and asking around and getting all sorts of advice and opinions. I’ve decided to try to put Annabelle on a schedule. We are starting with Babywise. Feedings are well established and she is healthy, so this is a program that I think she is well suited for. I’m ready to feel like I have a little control at one point in my life. I know that not everyone agrees with this method. Problem is, there are about 2,345,698 different opinions/methods/schools of thought on sleep. What am I saying? That number applies to just about EVERYTHING with raising a child.
Which leads me to thought #2.
2. OPINIONS: how and when to give them. Let me state the following.
a. While this is my first child, this is not the first child I have ever taken care of.
b. I have a degree/career path that focuses on child development, physically and spiritually.
c. I love dialogue. I love knowing what people do differently but…
d. I do NOT appreciate blunt/in-your-face opinions. If you know me at all, you know I do not respond well.
I am trying my best to be a person who is helpful but not invasive. I value your voice. I welcome your conversation. I will avoid you and/or cringe when you get in my face, cut me off to tell me “what to do,” and refuse to listen.
No mommy likes that. You didn’t like it either when it was your turn.
That’s all I’ll say. 🙂
3. COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO MOTHERHOOD: I am thinking about writing my book. I always had a goal to write a book by the time I was 30. This desire hasn’t changed. I don’t know if I would ever publish it, or let anyone read it, but I think it would be amazing. I’m tired of doubting myself in every area of my life. Do I think I’m a good enough writer to be published? I don’t know. I’m working on my story line in my head. If I ever wanted to write, now is a good time. My mind is pulsating with ideas and thoughts more now than ever.
I think I’m going to give it a shot. Maybe someone else appreciates self-depreciation as much as I do. 🙂 I know I’m certainly verbose enough. I always have to force myself to stop writing as it is.