When I was a kid – I was a really good one.
Seriously. I’m not joking.
Sure, I had my typical sass-back kid moments with my parents… I had a rough childhood! There was definitely some diamond-in-the-rough spots that I had to polish out: awkward, didn’t behave like the standard kid, shy, etc., but I was typically a really nice kid. I didn’t talk back, followed all the rules (which often made me a teacher’s pet), and I tried SO hard to please everyone. I seriously just wanted someone to love me. *
*Not saying I wasn’t loved. I just spent a lot of years trying to get the love I needed from my mother from other people.
I remember feeling perpetually awkward around other kids. I wanted so badly to be like them, so I was always so nice to everyone. Even now, I place way, way, WAY too much weight on the opinions and advice of others.
I’ve noticed recently that this is all beginning to change.
It actually started slowly in college. I realized that there were a lot of friends I had in high school that were really “proximity” friends and not people I had anything truly in common with. Then I realized that there were some that I honestly didn’t like (this was actually a revelation to me). Then I started noticing that I didn’t appreciate the people who played games or showed favoritism toward others.
Slowly, this has all snowballed into a person who is slowly learning that it’s okay to NOT be nice all the time — that some people are just jerks and you have to live with it. That all pastors are not nice – some are pretty egocentric. That not all Christians act the way the Bible says we’re supposed to. That some days I’m just mean. That “Holiday shopping” will almost ALWAYS mean a bunch of wild-eyed, paranoid, spastic people in the stores and too many blind senior adults driving erratically in the parking lots. Sometimes I will smile and try to spread a little extra Holiday cheer, and sometimes I will think of ways to scare the crap out of you… just because you annoy me.
Yeah… so I’m not so nice anymore.