The Difficult Art of Defriending.

I’ll admit it, I’m a people person. I like everyone to like me and I have an overwhelming compulsion to change someone’s mind when they don’t.

That’s a big reason why I have so many facebook “friends.”  Some are people that I have genuinely formed a community with.  Some are people whom I like to keep in contact with even though we weren’t ever necessarily close.  Others, I really don’t need to be facebook friends with because we are so close that their posts seem almost redundant because I already know what they have just written.

Occasionally, I go through and defriend a few.

For the most part, it’s nothing personal.  I’m just trying to make my list more beneficial and concise, and defriending really helps me in this way.

But sometimes, and this is the hardest defriend, I defriend a person because our relationship is better served without being on facebook. There’s nothing wrong with being “too much” sometimes.  I get defriended, and I typically don’t take it personally.  Why?  I’m sure I’ve offended them.  Probably our views don’t line up, or perhaps I am over “exposing” myself online and they don’t appreciate it.  I understand that.

Sometimes the defriending is just for a spell, until we get used to each other again, or sometimes we keep up better through the occasional email and visit when we’re in town.  Both are okay.

I personally don’t like drama. (Unless it’s on TV) I don’t like incessant politics, hate-mongering, or negative behaviors.  I don’t stand for anyone insinuating anything destructive about my family.  If I feel like you do those things, I will respectfully defriend you.  It’s not intended to be personal (although I understand it feels that way), it’s just that I don’t want to invite those things in my life.  Occasionally my husband comes to me and requests me to break a tie on facebook for personal and valid reasons and I have to respect that.

It doesn’t mean I don’t agonize over it.

Still, this online community stuff is difficult.  Facebook more so over Twitter or Google+.  It’s because we’ve become a community and we are all living on the same block.  The only difference is, we don’t have the option of kicking our neighbor out of the block in real life.  We also don’t know what’s going in our neighbors’ houses 24/7 in real life, either.  The more involved we get, the harder these issues are and the more they come up.

Is there any way to do it well?  What are your options for managing your facebook?

Oh, and here’ s a link I read. I think it explains things well.

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