(Yesterday, I kept trying to enter in code on my blog and it was NOT working. After losing my mind, I just closed everything down yesterday and forgot about it. Today, there is stuff there. Sigh. This is starting to give me a complex. Ignore any inconsistencies and I’m sure to get it back to normal eventually. Ha!)
We are finally getting back into the swing of things. Its still really weird not being able to see a lot of grass and everything is a bit noisier than usual, but we are past the point of feeling so overwhelmed that we don’t want to get out. I was thinking about getting B out of the house sometime next week and perhaps seeing some mommy friends. A couple years ago I discovered I had a similar soul sister in this area (although we completely missed each other in college!) and we’ve been talking about getting together. B is right in the middle of her two kids, and it seems like her oldest has a very similar personality to my girl.
As I was thinking about contacting Heather, I had the same fear I get every time I get ready to set up a play date:
What if it all goes horribly wrong?
It’s not my fear over Heather – she’s awesome – but it’s the same fear I get every time I’ve ever had a play date. I’m worried that Bluebelle will decide to act horribly and it will affect the relationship I have with the mama. In fact, when I am having a play date and the kid acts worse than B, I am thrilled. Isn’t that terrible?! I don’t judge the kid at all. I actually feel considerably better and I am convinced I’m not alone.
I think it’s because I am afraid that the attitude of my child will reflect negatively on my parenting. I’ve heard women say, “That woman just lets her child do anything,” or “I love that woman but I can’t stand her kids,” or some variation. I’ve heard the judging comments. I know I won’t be exempt, but I still fear them.
Bluebelle is 2. She will throw tantrums. She’s independent and stubborn. She’s loud. Sometimes she surprises me and she acts like an angel around new people (it’s a miracle!) and sometimes I have to apologize for her actions. If a mother wants to judge me and my child for her acting developmentally appropriate, then I guess we aren’t meant to be mommy friends. I know Heather won’t be that way (which is why we are soul sisters!) but these fears creep in.
A need to be liked, I guess.
What about you? Do you ever have these fears?