Play dates are scary.

(Yesterday, I kept trying to enter in code on my blog and it was NOT working.  After losing my mind, I just closed everything down yesterday and forgot about it.  Today, there is stuff there. Sigh. This is starting to give me a complex.  Ignore any inconsistencies and I’m sure to get it back to normal eventually.  Ha!)

We are finally getting back into the swing of things. Its still really weird not being able to see a lot of grass and everything is a bit noisier than usual, but we are past the point of feeling so overwhelmed that we don’t want to get out.  I was thinking about getting B out of the house sometime next week and perhaps seeing some mommy friends.  A couple years ago I discovered I had a similar soul sister in this area (although we completely missed each other in college!) and we’ve been talking about getting together.  B is right in the middle of her two kids, and it seems like her oldest has a very similar personality to my girl.

As I was thinking about contacting Heather, I had the same fear I get every time I get ready to set up a play date:

What if it all goes horribly wrong? 

It’s not my fear over Heather – she’s awesome – but it’s the same fear I get every time I’ve ever had a play date.  I’m worried that Bluebelle will decide to act horribly and it will affect the relationship I have with the mama.  In fact, when I am having a play date and the kid acts worse than B, I am thrilled. Isn’t that terrible?! I don’t judge the kid at all.  I actually feel considerably better and I am convinced I’m not alone.

I think it’s because I am afraid that the attitude of my child will reflect negatively on my parenting.  I’ve heard women say, “That woman just lets her child do anything,” or “I love that woman but I can’t stand her kids,” or some variation.  I’ve heard the judging comments.  I know I won’t be exempt, but I still fear them.

Bluebelle is 2.  She will throw tantrums.  She’s independent and stubborn. She’s loud.  Sometimes she surprises me and she acts like an angel around new people (it’s a miracle!) and sometimes I have to apologize for her actions. If a mother wants to judge me and my child for her acting developmentally appropriate, then I guess we aren’t meant to be mommy friends. I know Heather won’t be that way (which is why we are soul sisters!) but these fears creep in.

A need to be liked, I guess.

What about you? Do you ever have these fears? 

More about April

3 thoughts on “Play dates are scary.

  1. Struwe5

    Oh my goodnessss…. This is totally a fear of mine! I actually just had one of my best friends call yesterday and invite us over next week… Jak is such a firecracker, and people that don’t have boys or haven’t been around 4year old boys much, look at Jak like, what have you fed him, are you aware he’s jumping off that, DO YOU DISCIPLINE HIM AT ALL!?! And trust me… I’m very aware of his endless energy and the fact that he runs EVERYWHERE.. And of my friends with kids I have the oldest, Jo who will be 7 this year, so they don’t really understand, 6 going on 16… Such a real thing! So my stomach instantly turns when I get an invite to a play date and anxiety takes over… Not enjoyable! And ive (secretly) been known to cancel at the last minute 🙁 it’s awful… So I’m right there with you.. and to solve this, we should live closer to have our anxiety filled play dates together, no judgement!

    1. April McGrew

      We should live closer! I’m so glad I’m not alone with this!

  2. Heather

    1) Aw, I feel so special. 🙂 I am so completely excited to hang out. After preteen camp. Ugh, that’s right. We got back last night (this morning?) at 2 and now we have to leave on Monday morning for three nights. I’m trying to be excited about it by then.

    2) I love your (new?) color scheme! Looking good!

    3) It probably goes without saying that I completely relate to this post. (Get out of my head!) I think I’m mostly paranoid about moms liking me though. I’m completely awkward and say ridiculous things when I’m nervous. I think most people get that kids will act like, well, kids, so I usually don’t worry about them judging me by the occasional tantrum (although maybe I should worry after all!). And really, the only time I judge a mom by her kid is if she is clearly not doing anything about poor behavior (and I don’t even mean intentional ignorance).

    4) Speaking of judgment, I completely concur with your last post about not judging the “small stuff.” I always tell Matt that it’s so much easier for me to love people who deal with “big sin” (I know, that’s ridiculous) than the ones who just annoy me.

    5) I’m rambling. Let’s get together SOON.

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