Have you ever read my baby story about Bluebelle?
Basically, my baby story was everything I didn’t expect to have with my first labor. Initially, I was just happy to have a healthy baby and my feelings toward that has never changed. I am beyond thankful that B was safe and healthy.
However, after the initial pleasure/shock over what happened had faded, the comments started pouring in.
“You didn’t really go through labor.”
“That wasn’t natural.”
“You shouldn’t have been induced.”
…and on and on and on. For months. Slowly, my personal guilt and opinions over the delivery of B was magnified through the comments and opinions of my family and friends. I felt broken. I was angry with myself for being naive enough to go through an induction. I was angry for how I responded through my contractions. I wished I would have done more to prepare myself for childbirth. I wish I wouldn’t have listened to all the well-meaning advice that did nothing but terrify me.
For the first 20 weeks of pregnancy with B, I lived in Texas. I went to a CNM (certified nurse midwife). I had planned on an intervention -free (with the possibility of epidural) birth with intermittent monitoring and lots of walking around. Jeanean was supportive and encouraging. When we had to move to Oklahoma mid-pregnancy, I found myself going to the only free female OB in the Norman area and I quickly learned that NONE of those options would be possible with the doctor or the hospital I was delivering in. I wish now that I would have taken more control and looked for a doctor in the city that would have allowed me to do something more natural to my own desires. Lessons are all too often learned in hindsight.
After my C-section, Todd asked my doctor about the idea of trying for a more natural birth the next time. My OB said that my body just “wouldn’t work” and I wouldn’t be a good candidate even if the hospital allowed for a VBAC… which they didn’t. So I was stuck being a repeat C-section no matter what. I felt broken.
Since B’s birth, I have seriously thought about the idea of a VBAC. A VBAC is short for Vaginal Birth After Caesarian. After a lot of research and prayer, I decided that planning for a VBAC was the only way I would be truly happy with my birth options. I wanted to talk to a doctor who supported the idea and would look seriously at my records and tell me if I really was “broken.” If I really was destined to have multiple C-sections, I wanted to know that I had exhausted all my options.
When I found out I was pregnant with #2, I decided to find a doctor with a good reputation for VBAC success. After talking with him, he believes my story is all too similar to the majority of VBAC hopefuls who come into his office… and go on to have a successful birth. We discussed the risks and talked about some of the things I need to do to increase my chances of having a natural birth. He won’t use pitocin. He will do what he can to help me go into labor naturally. I feel good about my chances. More importantly, I feel good about doing what I can to have a healing birth story.
Are you happy with your birth story?
Would you change anything about your birth?
If you have had a natural birth and/or a VBAC: What resources helped you to succeed? What would you have done differently?
If you had a Caesarian, did/do you ever regret anything about it?
I think that regardless of what you choose to do, its important to feel good about it. The birth of your child is important, and so is your mental well-being. I think this is a good step for me.