Last night we went to bed way too late and way too tired. I was tired. Not Bluebelle, of course. She’d stay up until midnight if you’d let her.
I walked her to her room after I had put little man to bed and I discovered that she had thrown her bedding all over the floor. I lost my patience and loudly demanded she pick up her room while I remade her bed. It was late enough that tears ensued and we went straight to bed without a book or any of her usual fun activities. (This was also because I was feeling guilty that she was up that late anyway.)
For the first time in what feels like months, I was able to concentrate solely on her. As I sang to her and ran my fingers through her hair, tears sprung to my eyes.
Often I forget that she is only three. She’s not grown up. She’s not even a school age child.
Because she is so smart and spunky, I forget that. She’s my little mama — taking care of herself and her brother already in many ways and I’m so proud of her. I’ve also lost my patience more often as of late. Part of that is my response to others’ opinions on how I should be disciplining and raising her. It’s made me sharper.
I don’t want to be sharper.
I am in my “office” writing this and she comes in here with her plate to sit on the floor next to me while I write. She just wants my company. I want to remember her generous spirit. Her exuberance. Her lack of personal space (sorry, other kids). Her need for companionship.
In two days she will be three and a half. While I’ll celebrate her getting a little bit older, I’ll remember that she is still just a tender sapling in this life.
I am the first person in which she will learn about grace. I will help to shape her views on people, religion, and faith. How can I model Jesus for her if I don’t freely offer her grace? She still will learn about consequences, don’t get me wrong, but she will also learn how love covers over us.
Love more, yell less. Say “I forgive you” more. Let her know that no matter how angry she might make me, she’s still my special girl. I’ll also remember to think about the outlying factors — is she hungry, tired, or just needs my attention?
Because she’s still just a baby in the scheme of things.