Stepping back, stepping up

Just a quick life update as well as a few revelations that I’ve had these last few months.

It’s been obvious that I haven’t resumed my frequency in posting on here since delivering Squishy 6 months ago. In fact, I’ve taken a break from my physical computer for a while (and I hate compiling blog posts on my phone). I’m hardly on Twitter anymore, I forget I even have Instagram except when I want to post a picture, and I even have days where I’m not updating my Facebook multiple times. Then, my Bloglovin app crashed and I unintentionally took a month break from reading any blogs!

… It’s been awesome. 

So what have I been doing?  Taking pictures like this:

Andrea Nesbitt Maternity (36 of 44)

Christmas 2013 (147 of 210)

Christmas 2013 (9 of 210)

 

I’ve also been hosting parties, visiting family, baking bread and trying new recipes, trying to keep our family healthy, connecting with friends, cleaning house, finding a church home, joining choir for both Bluebelle and I, reading new books…

in short? I’ve been living my life. My real, every day, wonderfully ordinary life.

I learned something during this unintentional social media break time. I wasn’t living my life the way God was calling me. I was living my life lined up against a measuring stick I had no control over. I had slowly gotten to the point where nothing I did was for the pure enjoyment of doing it anymore. I constantly either took note of the fact that it was great and I needed to share it or it didn’t measure up to all the X-Y-Z myriad of stuff already out there. Where was my confidence? I mentioned a few weeks ago where that realization began — that I was living my dream exactly where I was — and I’m finding it to be more true every day.

I am convinced that there is nothing more beautiful than peace. To be comfortable with where you are. To have joy no matter the circumstances. To not allow that joy to be robbed by looking too longingly at the grass on the other side of the fence.  I believe I’ve always had access to that Joy, but I haven’t always allowed myself to be swept up in it.

I’m also learning how to let go of control. Not self-control, but control of others. I used to be so frustrated about people who claimed to be one thing and then behaved another, or people who seemed inauthentic, or told conflicting stories. Then I realized that I was trying to control their behavior… which is impossible. Now I just remove myself from the situation. I hit “hide” or “unfollow” online and stop calling and texting in real life. It’s not worth the struggle.

I’ve been stepping back and it’s felt good.

It’s so much easier to hear God’s voice when you push mute on the distractions of your heart. Now, I can hear his voice say, “step UP.”

Love more, yell less. Put more effort into the relationships in front of you rather than ones you simply want to link your name aside. Be known for your help rather than your hindrance. Put action in place of your mouth. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Think before you speak. Pray more and control your knee-jerk reaction.

My heart is changing, y’all. I’m starting to see someone I lost inside a long time ago. I never thought I’d see her again.

Healing is crazy like that. It’s a never-ending kinetic response. Now, how do you heal?

What are some things that you do to keep moving forward?
Do you ever feel like stepping back is the only way to move forward (or up?)

** Also, a HUGE congrats to my sweet friend in the photo above! She labored like a BEAST for 33 hours and delivered a healthy 8lb, 6 oz baby boy this week! He’s so stinkin cute I can’t stand it!

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