About a month ago, I hit a parenting groove. It was glorious. Dean Bean started sleeping in his own crib throughout the night (only took 21 months – be jealous) without wake-ups. We were getting the kids to bed at a decent hour, and they were sleeping in until about 8-8:30 every morning.
I took full advantage.
We stayed up late and watched Jimmy Fallon. Sometimes I’d even be awake while Seth Meyers was on. Why not? No one was coming to wake me two hours later! I was reminded what it was like to have an actual adult conversation! I could go to sleep on my own accord — I wasn’t passing out with a random child in my arms. (One of my two kids — I don’t actually hold random children at bedtime.) I was waking early and doing my bible study time. I was even blogging again!
DOBBY WAS FREE.
Then last week happened. The storms kept waking Bluebelle up. Bedtime was a nightmare. The kids started waking at 6:30 and 7 am. THAT’S MY TIME, y’all. They were talking to me before I could do the drinking of the coffee. With no coffee there’s no talking. There’s no thinking. Mama no worky. I was so tired through the day that I wasn’t getting my act together before noon and then everything would be terribly off schedule.
The worst part? I hated who I was to the kids. Trust me when I tell you that every time my mouth opened, nastiness spewed out of it. I yelled. I threatened. By Thursday, I dropped to my knees and I sobbed out loud. I prayed. (See how long I try to go before I finally give things up?) I begged God to forgive me and to give me the strength to stop.
It’s amazing how good resting in His peace is. I can write about it, talk about it, and tell others about it, but it’s so easy to forget to apply it to myself. Can I tell you that it magically changed me and I immediately went to being the “good mama”? Nope. I still said regrettable things that day. Apparently I’m pretty good about being committed to a behavior for the full 24 hours. It was on Friday that I decided that the to-do lists, the lack of sleep, and the attitudes weren’t going to interrupt my peace.
Life is going to have peaks and valleys. It’s inevitable. Sometimes they seem as high as the Rocky Mountains, and sometimes they’re as deep as the Grand Canyon, but there are also little ones. Maybe you’re just low enough that your cell phone reception is lost, and you’re like me and you panic that you’ll get in an accident and you’ll die out there because AT&T can’t get its act together. Not dramatic at all.
“Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.” Psalm 50:15
Whether you’re in a peak or a valley, on top of a hill, or down low where there’s no phone reception, you are not alone. There are people out there who love you and care about you. People who want to know how how your day is going. I care about you. More importantly, there is a Rescuer who loves you unconditionally. He doesn’t turn away when you act ugly. (Thank God, cause I’d be disowned by now otherwise!) Rest in that today, my friends.
Know you’re not alone, even if your phone signal suggests otherwise.
Love you awesome nerds.