I just wanted to give a quick update on what’s happening in our lives right now and explain why I haven’t been blogging much anymore.
It’s August, so we’re gearing up for school for Bluebelle and a mother’s day out for Dean Bean. This is the first time I’ve ever tried a MDO (Mother’s Day Out) for either of the kids, but Todd and I prayerfully considered it and thought it would be really nice to give me a few hours every week by myself. This will help me with appointments, shopping, and also spending some more time writing. I think this is going to be a good thing for Dean Bean too. He’s two now and he is really enjoying going to church and playing with the kids there. I think this will help him to socialize and learn some fun things.
Bluebelle starts kindergarten (and that’s a whole other post) this fall. I’m so thankful that we have about 3 more weeks here in Texas until it begins. I’m in a little bit of denial over the whole thing. It’s going to be so good for her, and I think she’s going to love it, but it’s the end of an era and I’m having a hard time letting her go.
Now the big thing: blogging.
I’m really wondering if I’m supposed to be doing this anymore. This summer, I’ve started building a community with ladies and I’ve had a wonderful time! They have helped me grow spiritually, and more to the point, I have been going through a deep refining process with the Lord. I’m making some changes, and I realized how stilted and stifled I’ve been at times writing this blog. I’ve been so afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings that I have hesitated to speak about God with the freedom I feel I should have. I’ve also made some mistakes along the way. I’ve written things with my own conviction and boldness (not spiritually, just opinion) and I offended family. Some of the words were genuine misunderstandings, but the way I was approached about it and the fact that I hate to hurt anyone, stopped me from writing so many things because I thought I was going to offend someone else yet again. I feel like I’m too liberal for my conservative friends and family, and too Jesus-oriented for my more liberal friends. It’s a very isolating feeling.
I also feel like I should be writing more, and so I have… just not for an audience yet. It’s time for me to flesh out some things and I’m working on them, bit-by-bit. It’s very freeing — writing without editing. This is one of those things that I’m really looking forward to doing when Dean Bean is at MDO. I want to be able to write without interruption, and that’s nearly impossible for me to do anymore! My brain is like those five minute short stories on the Disney channel. That’s about as long as I can hold a thought right now!
Also, my kids are getting older and while I love taking pictures of them, I’m not as comfortable sharing them online anymore. Not just because of the negative stuff (stalkers, predators, or anything heinous), but because I don’t have permission to share their stories right now. I’m enjoying treasuring these moments. Sure, I’ll share photos from time to time, and tell you a little bit about them, and I need to do updates on them (and I will), but this space is largely my own and I want to take ownership of that.
This has been an amazing summer. We have traveled and spent time together, and Bluebelle has been able to spend some special time with family. I don’t regret it, and I love the new area in which we live. I’ve been enjoying seeing Todd more, and I love that he’s not traveling as much right now. Life is good, and going far too fast to suit me.
I still plan to keep this blog, at least for the foreseeable future, but I can’t guarantee you what the future holds. Thank you for reading my words and being in this space. This has helped me in so many ways, and I am so thankful for you.