Every time I get or send a friend request on Facebook, I look at my profile. True story. I take a minute to read and scroll through it to see what kind of picture a person is going to get about me when they look for the first time. I don’t know if this is good or just crazy, but now you know this about me. I think its also good to do this to ourselves on occasion to see what kind of message we are putting out to the world to see. Instagram and Twitter, too. (Or whatever you use.)
Here is the thing that struck me today: I don’t put my faith out there nearly as much as I think I do.
I’m not saying that this is a good or a bad thing, and I know I can’t control others’ opinions no matter how I try. I’m sure I seem zealous to some and not active to others, simply because the way I choose to spend my time and energy is different from theirs. If you were to look at me at first glance, you’d see that I love coffee, my kids, and self-depreciation. I have some private outlets where I share my faith so while my personal feed is saturated; what I put out into the feed is diminished.
The truth is, my life is becoming increasingly consumed with who I am in light of what Jesus Christ has done for me. I spent a lot of years not knowing how to speak about my faith anymore, because I wasn’t sure how to explain the wrestling I have done in my soul.
This is who I am: I am first and foremost not a mistake. I am a believer and a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe he died on the cross for my sins — not just the little things I do, but the core of who I am that is empty without him. I am a wife, but my identity is not in my husband, although I want him by my side until my dying breath. I am a mother, but my children are not my identity. They are my current occupation, they are the light of my heart and my days, but my hope is not in them. I am growing in him. I do not fit a typical church mold at this stage in my life. I understand those who doubt God’s existence and those who struggle with believing God’s truth far better than those who know how to live the Christian life well. A church does not hold my identity. I am quiet about my faith more than I used to be because I know how Christian rhetoric has often pierced people deeply, and I don’t a word of what I say to become rote.
I am learning that I am exactly who God made me to be, and as I grow in him, I become more of who I am. This comforts me as I encounter moments and people where I may not feel as though I fit a mold. There are many, many, many wonderful places, churches, people, and organizations out there…I’m just not obligated to force myself to fit into all of them anymore. What’s great for you may not be the best for me. And that’s okay. (I just have to remind myself of this on an hourly basis.)
I’m not saying I’m about to post daily bible verses, although I may feel a little more convicted to share to my regular feed some of what I share privately. I think that our faith is our own and I want to treat it with the preciousness I feel towards it, but I do want to be more mindful of what I’m not saying.
Do you look at your own social media feeds? Do you ever feel like you say too much? Or not enough?