The scarcity mindset.

If you don’t know, I’m teaching myself how to watercolor. It’s fun. You should try it. 

(Alternately titled: Damn it, woman! Just do it.)

Occasionally, frequently, something that I read will stick in my head and change a way of thinking. One such thing was from Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. “The opposite of scarcity isn’t abundance. It’s enough.” (I hope I quoted that correctly, I’m operating off memory here.) I also remember reading, that there is enough room at the table for everyone. All this to say, God’s been working on me with the topic of being enough for years. 

I fully blame/thank social media for this. 

I’ve held back from everything my whole life. Wildly convinced that whatever I had to contribute wasn’t enough. I can tell you every flaw I possess, and feeling pride over anything was an immediate onslaught of guilt over confidence. 

If you think low self-esteem is the opposite of pride, you’re wrong. It’s pride all the same. Humility doesn’t require you to tear yourself down, it’s just refusing to assume superiority or privilege over someone else. 

I’m on a quest to fully believe that there’s room at the table for me and to refuse the emotions that someone else’s success diminishes me in any way. A good example: one of my facebook friends wrote a blog post. She’s beautiful, talented, creative, a great photographer, super cute figure, and she’s so smart. When I sat down to read her blog post, I thought, “She’s funny and a great writer too? What CAN’T she do?” 

This would be a great opportunity for me to feel less-than. I could hear the voices whispering in my mind, “She travels. She works. She’s doing all the mom stuff and more. What in the world can you bring to the table?” 

Myself. I can bring myself. 

Truth — I didn’t (and don’t) feel any jealousy for her. Only admiration. The point is to highlight the fact that its possible to look at someone and think the world of them while recognizing that your path is no less special, even if it feels remarkably mundane and ordinary. 

I’ve been feeling the need to do more lately. This isn’t a new feeling for me, but it’s always been squelched by feelings of scarcity. Do I have enough to bring to the table? Is there room for one more writer, or one more person who likes to dabble in art and creating new things? 

So today I wrote in my planner: “Damn it, woman! Just do it.” 

Sometimes you have to cuss at yourself a little to get moving.

I’m not perfect. I’m not going to please everyone. I’m probably going to disappoint those who have such high expectations of me, and I’m not going to change the minds of those who already have negative thoughts. But I can love Jesus and cuss a little. I can fall short. I have permission to fail. 

There’s room for me at the table, and there’s room for you. What are you waiting for? 

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